Self-care can be defined as all the actions we take for our own well-being. However, not all actions qualify as self-care—some may actually harm us instead. That’s why it’s important to evaluate the purpose behind our actions rather than just their appearance.
When is an Action Considered Self-Care?
✔ Example of True Self-Care:
If I exercise because I’m tired and need to relax, I choose an activity I enjoy, listen to my body’s limits, and appreciate the feeling afterward—this is a great example of self-care.
❌ Example of Harmful Behavior Disguised as Self-Care:
If I exercise because I dislike my body, or I want to please my partner, and I push myself to exhaustion, then exercise is no longer self-care—it becomes self-punishment.
👉 The same action can either be self-care or the opposite.
To determine whether something is truly self-care, ask yourself:
💡 Does it bring me a positive, rewarding experience?
💡 Or does it feel like an obligation that leads to stress, guilt, or self-criticism?
Another Example: Cooking
✔ Self-Care: I spend three hours in the kitchen because I enjoy trying a new recipe or want to explore different flavors.
❌ Compulsiveness: I spend three hours in the kitchen because I fear disappointing my guests or because my partner complains about eating the same food.
👉 Self-care comes from a place of self-respect, not obligation or fear.
How to Start Practicing Self-Care?
The key to self-care is learning to recognize your own needs and taking action to fulfill them. This is an act of self-respect and empathy toward yourself.
You can follow these three simple steps:
1️⃣ Recognize (Discriminate): Identify signals that indicate a need (e.g., feeling lonely or overwhelmed).
2️⃣ Respond: Take an action that directly addresses your need (e.g., making plans with friends or taking a break).
3️⃣ Evaluate Consequences: After taking action, assess whether it had a positive outcome (e.g., feeling happy and recharged after spending time with loved ones).
Self-Care vs. People-Pleasing
True self-care emerges from recognizing our vulnerabilities and responding to them with kindness and awareness. However, if our actions are driven by external pressure, social expectations, or guilt, they stop being self-care and turn into self-imposed obligations or excessive perfectionism.
👉 Self-care is not about specific actions—it’s about how we approach life.
Loving yourself starts with taking care of yourself. 💙