“I was lucky to choose to love myself at the last moment. And now, thanks to that, I’ve learned that not waiting until the last minute when it comes to self-love is absolutely necessary and important. Never stop loving yourself. Don’t put yourself on hold. If your life depends on it… so be it.”
This excerpt from Brillo por tu ausencia (Shining Through Your Absence), the latest poetry prose book by writer Lae Sánchez (@laesanchezg), is a clear reminder that words matter—especially when it comes to mental health.
Loving yourself is the key to everything, but as Sánchez explains, it’s not just about self-love in any form—it’s about loving yourself well. Or better yet, loving yourself better. Better every day.
Shifting from “Love Yourself More” to “Love Yourself Better”
This is exactly the theme Sánchez presents in her talk, “Don’t Just Love Yourself More, Love Yourself Better,” which inaugurates Formentera Zen—an event dedicated to enhancing emotional well-being, organized by the Tourism Board of Formentera and Puro Bienestar.
During the event (held May 17–19 at the Gecko Hotel & Beach Club in Formentera), the author will focus on self-love, self-care, self-esteem, and personal growth.
However, she clarifies that her approach is not therapeutic but inspirational, drawn from her experience in poetry prose rather than psychology.
“I am not a psychologist, and I am the first to seek professional help for personal growth. But what I do want to convey is that we often prioritize quantity over quality, and we mistakenly think that more is better,” she explains.
Her message is an invitation to self-respect, self-awareness, and learning to set boundaries—both with oneself and with others. She emphasizes organizing personal values based on what we learn over time.
To support this, she turns to a set of principles from Brillo por tu ausencia, which she describes as a reminder to nurture self-love—the piece that holds the rest of life’s mechanisms together.
Some of these guiding principles include:
✔️ Being patient with yourself
✔️ Paying attention to small details
✔️ Celebrating life
✔️ Apologizing—yes, even to yourself
✔️ Letting go when necessary
✔️ Remembering that family and friends are what truly matter
✔️ Asking yourself the questions that bring happiness
✔️ Valuing time
✔️ Trusting yourself
Authenticity vs. Social Media Perfection
Another key theme in Sánchez’s work is the importance of “living from within” and learning to be happy without feeling the need to tell the world about it.
This is especially relevant today, where social media often only highlights the positive aspects of life.
“We are all authentic, and maintaining that authenticity is crucial,” Sánchez explains.
“Many people share images of a perfect life on social media, showing only their ‘highlight reel’ while hiding the ‘behind-the-scenes’ reality. But real life has ups and downs—just like everyone else’s. This can create frustration both for those posting and for those consuming that content.”
Through her own journey, she has learned to validate emotions that are often less visible, like sadness, and in doing so, she has become more understanding of others’ emotions as well.
“How many times have we told a friend to ‘stop complaining’ because we thought their problem wasn’t that serious? But we all have the right to be sad!” she insists.
Her solution?
Live life without filters or rush.
“We chase instant gratification, sharing moments on social media as fast as they disappear in an Instagram story. But this pursuit of immediacy can strip away the essence and authenticity of those moments.”
Instead, she encourages learning to be comfortable with oneself before seeking validation from others.
“This is the true meaning of ‘being happy without telling anyone.’ Because before knowing what we want in relationships—whether with a partner, friends, or family—we first need to listen to ourselves.”
That means understanding how we want to be treated, what we’re willing to give, and what boundaries we need to set for our relationships to truly support our well-being.
The Power of Words in Self-Talk
So, how do words and the way we speak to ourselves impact our well-being?
It’s all about perspective.
Sánchez shares her own learning process—giving herself time and space to manage anxiety and seeing reality more clearly.
She proposes a two-part reflection:
1️⃣ First, ask yourself:
“If I could decide how I want to be remembered, would I want people to remember me for who I am, how I treat others, and what I contribute? Or would I rather be remembered for what I have, what I achieve, or what I earn?”
Most people, she says, would choose the first option.
2️⃣ Then, take it one step further:
“How do I value myself? Do I measure my worth by who I am and how I treat others, or by what I accomplish?”
Often, our self-talk is so demanding that it breaks us down instead of building us up.
She illustrates this with the story of André Agassi, the tennis champion who—despite achieving immense success—eventually admitted in his autobiography that he hated the sport and wanted to quit.
Before one of his finals, he stood in the shower, watching the water run over him, thinking:
“Hate brings me to my knees. Love lifts me up.”
For Sánchez, this proves one thing:
“The mind can be our greatest ally or our greatest enemy—it can destroy us or elevate us. That’s why it’s so important to listen to ourselves, not just in our thoughts, but in the way we speak to ourselves.”
“The starting point for everything—the ‘zero kilometer’—is self-love. From there, we can learn to truly respect others as well.”
The Importance of Self-Love in Childhood and Adolescence
This lesson is especially critical during vulnerable life stages, such as childhood and adolescence.
“Children absorb everything,” Sánchez emphasizes.
That’s why it’s important to nurture their confidence through the relationships we build with them, the way we speak to them, and how they learn to speak to themselves.
One practical exercise for improving self-talk is setting aside time each day—however little you can spare—to prioritize yourself.
Ask yourself: “What do I feel like doing today?”
The goal is to prioritize self-care and engage in activities that enhance emotional well-being.
Even just 15 minutes a day can make a difference.
Some simple ideas include:
✔️ Reflecting on your personal and workday
✔️ Sending a thoughtful message to a friend or family member
✔️ Taking a walk in nature
✔️ Listening to your favorite music
✔️ Calling a loved one
✔️ Exercising
“Stop saying you’ll do it tomorrow. Stop postponing yourself.”
Because when you make self-care a daily ritual, even in the smallest ways, the benefits become clear:
✅ You make better decisions
✅ You improve relationships
✅ You listen to your body
✅ You stop rushing through life feeling frustrated
“You start loving and caring for yourself—and once you do, you never want to stop. Because you realize how much it positively impacts both you and those around you.”